Thoughts of a Witch
by Fae the Queen
Summary: Collection of one shots, song based looks into Elphaba's mind while she is on the run. Each will have an authors note with the name of the song in it. Previously titled My Journal.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey there. No, this is not an update on a Father and a Home, but that is coming today, I promise. In the meantime I was cleaning my house, listening to my IPod and lots of songs came up that make good Wicked one shots…so this is the first of my writing binge today lol. This one is based off of Idina Menzel's "I Stand." Cliché, I know, but it spoke to me. This is written kind of as first person, it's supposed to be written as a journal entry for Elphaba, while she is on the run. Muscialverse.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, right. **

It's been a year and a half since I defied gravity and left Glinda behind. I don't know why I am doing this, maybe I am just lonely, and need a break from being the Wicked Witch for a time. I know, I know, I can't truly take a break from life, but maybe this journal will help. If this falls into the wrong hands, they will never truly understand this was written by the Wicked Witch of the West. I managed to steal a newspaper this morning and as usual, they still don't understand what I am trying to do.

They no longer ask who I am. I don't have a name any longer, unless you count the title that hag Morrible so kindly bestowed upon me. They don't know my vision, which frustrates me. For me, my vision is an Oz where Animals, animals, and humans of all different back grounds live together in harmony. A land where I can be free to love and be loved in return. Oz, I miss him. I know he is Glinda's but I miss his companionship, and dream of what if. It hurts to think of the what if, but at least I know I haven't gone completely mad in this insane story I call my life.

What is my strength? Maybe my strength is my independence, and my conviction to do what is right. It's too bad they will never see this side of me and know I am trying to make good. They seem to think I have nothing to say, which isn't true. They just refuse to hear what I am saying. What am I saying? Who do I stand for?

I stand for the ability to change fate. I live for the perfect day when the so called Wizard is gone and Oz is at peace and everyone lives together in harmony. I love and have loved Fiyero until it hurts like crazy. Lurline knows, I have tried denying it, but every time I think I have successfully shoved it away, it comes back, painfully. I hope for him to save me one day. Hopefully not literally, but he is the only one who can rescue me from myself and this path of destruction I seem destined to follow. He is my hero, Yero my hero. If only I could tell him.

Who do I stand for if not the Wizard they ask? I stand for those like me, the strange and lonely. The Outcast. The Forgotten Ones. The ones who have become victims of time and prejudice. Some days it seems like I am the only one, but I know that isn't true. I believe that there is a better place and that one day Oz can become like this better place. I don't know where it is or what it is. It's not the afterlife. Maybe it's another world? We can't be the only world, especially if the Wizard is actually telling the truth about where he comes from. I don't know if the sky is truly heaven, but it is my heaven. It has become my escape route, my home, my go to place when I need to think. When I am flying through the sky, I am free. Absolutely and totally free. I am no longer Elphaba, Elphie, or the Wicked Witch of the West. I am simply…me. I can't describe how good that feels for me, who has never been totally free before in my life.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. For all I know today is my last day alive. That is my reality. I have long since accepted it. I do all I can to avoid that, but when you are a wanted criminal, there isn't much I can do.

They say with the slightest of breezes I should fall, because really who has ever heard of making a broom fly? Well I did, and the wind is now my friend and savior in ways no person can ever be. The rain washes me away, and becomes cleansing, both physically and emotionally. When it rains, I can sit back and enjoy it, I can bathe in it without fear of being caught; it is my time to pretend that I am normal and not a wanted criminal. I forget who I am, and know that in the dark, I blend and can't be seen. For me and my mission, it is a blessing. It is also a blessing as it allows me to visit Glinda without her knowing, and make sure she is okay. I shouldn't worry, and I know she would kill me if she ever knew, but still I worry about her. If the Ozians ever found out about our friendship, well, it wouldn't be pretty. But at night it is easy for me to blend in with the crowd, and check in on her and Fiyero.

For now I must go, and despite my earlier misgivings, this journal writing seems to actually have helped. I think I will continue writing in this. It will be my legacy so to speak. If it comes down to life and death, I will release this journal to a trusted source and know that it will be published. I may be gone at that time and it may do no good, but if nothing else, it will give the Ozians a glimpse into the life of Elphaba Thropp, the woman they all fear and hate and know simply as the Wicked Witch of the West.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: This is based off of Kristen Chenoweth's **_**I Was Here. **_** No this is not an update on either of my multi- chapters, but A Father and a Home should be updated soon. This particular chapter is the first entry into her journal time wise and occurs before she defies gravity. This takes place on the train to the Emerald City. Posts will not be in order by date. **

**As always, enjoy! **

Oh my Oz! I am so excited right now! Glinda; in her blissful bubble-headed state wouldn't even be able to believe I was capable of this level of excitement if she could see what I was writing. Thankfully, she is asleep right now, allowing me the privacy of writing in here. I honestly have no idea what the Wizard sees in me, but apparently my curse is actually a gift! And I even got the attention of my idol! I will finally be able to make my mark on history, perhaps, metaphorically similar to the airheads at Shiz that carve the initials of themselves and their latest beau on the Quoxwood trees by the Suicide Canal.

Everyone will have to wait and see what comes of this, but I feel so good regarding all of this, it just feels right, for once. Maybe I will finally be able to do some good. Maybe I can write legislation that changes the course of history and maybe…per chance…change Oz as we know it. Maybe someday the artists of Oz will paint portraits in honor of me and all the good I am going to do for my home. Maybe I can help provide funding to help cure sickness, I don't know! It's so hard to wrap my mind around all the good I can do alongside the Wizard. But I am ready to begin, because all my life, all I have ever wanted was to do something good that would change history!

I seriously am acting like a giddy school girl, but I can't help it, I am so incredibly happy right now! I want to do something that matters long after I am gone. For once, I want to be different. I want to turn Oz and its citizens on its ear and do something better than I have ever done! I only have limited time here. I am not arrogant enough to think I will live forever.

I want to change hearts while I have the chance, and leave something behind, however small, that says I was here. I will prove to all those idiots in my life that said I will never amount to anything. They say I am all talk and no action well this is my chance to change that!

My dream is too strong to let go of, and before long I will be doing what I am meant to do! I will fight for peace, among other plans. I am on my way to my destiny and I could not be happier than I am in the knowledge that I am going to do something good…no, something great.

Glinda is waking up, so I leave you now in the knowledge that I will be leaving behind something of myself that says I was here.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: So here is another posting in Thoughts of A Witch. I was alone on the bus to the mall and this song came on my Ipod and I was seriously thinking, "This sounds exactly like Elphaba!" Thus this posting was born. This takes place immediately after No Good Deed but before For Good. If you want, it could be in place of No Good Deed. The song is Far Far Away by Blackmore's Night**

I sit here day after day and lately it seems as if they all start bleeding into one, one after the other, each the same as the last. I become blind to the things surrounding me that I once used to see; I don't hear anything relevant anymore. I count the hours until my sorry life is done. It's nothing but a series of failures; one failure after another. So many in fact they all seem rolled into one huge mistake, sealed with Fiyero's death.

When I was young, as bleak as my life was, I looked to Shiz and my future. My eyes took in the beauty of Shiz, a place where promises could be fulfilled, and my heart was full of joy. When did my path twist so out of control? Can the young girl from Shiz and I be one and the same? I don't believe it. That girl dreamed of romance, as farfetched as it was, and dreamed of living in a castle with Fiyero. I was Morrible's prized student and was on track to work with the _wonderful_ Wizard of Oz and be loved by all. I had the world in my hands! And yet no matter how depressing it may be, that dream, that fire burned out a long time ago, now in a time that is far, far away from the emptiness of this mockery of my life.

My mind aches all the time now, making it hard to focus, but why should I focus? My life has been so hard and filled with so much sorrow and heart ache that no girl should _ever _have to know, but we all know I am no longer a girl, and haven't been since that day in the Emerald City with the Wizard and Morrible, perhaps even before then and I just did not know it yet. My heart aches for the love I had, and for that moment, my life was perfect, but then I lost him. Fiyero is dead and I killed him. He is dead by my hand, even if I did not administer the killing blow. He died, because of me! I loved Nessa, my sweet baby sister, and it's my fault she is dead, killed by that annoying little brat. I could not protect her! It was my duty to protect her, and now she is gone. Dr. Dillamond, Mamma, everyone I love ends at the end of the Grim Reapers scythe. I suppose it is only a matter of time before I end up being the cause of Glinda's death. Some say it's better to have loved and lost, but I disagree, it hurts so much to lose everyone you love. At this point, the pain is driving me to the point of insanity and some would be ashamed of that. Not me. I am done being sane, and nice. If Oz wants a wicked witch, well, they finally have one.

That hopeful school girl is long gone, never to return. And why should she return when there is nothing left to live for?


End file.
